As Susan and I were going through our final three months, there were times when we both expressed regrets for mistakes made during our journey together. Several times I felt the need, in my sorrow, to apologize for every rotten thing I had ever put her through, and she repeatedly assured me of her forgiveness. She even told me time is too short and I didn’t need to keep apologizing for things in the past.
The past… To me, that is one powerful thought. The past is the place where all regrets are stored. The past is a place full of missed chances and ignored opportunities. While there is both much good and bad contained in the past, it must be realized that it is one of the places we can never get back to no matter how much we wish we could. While I was expressing the need for forgiveness, Susan not only forgave, but she also gently reminded me of the things that were good and right and for which we could be thankful.
In a conversation I had with a pastor friend, after Susan had passed away, he asked me if I had any regrets and what might they be. After giving this question several long moments of thoughtful consideration, I replied that I regretted all the wasted time and I went on to explain just what I meant. I certainly did not want to leave him with the impression that I might have viewed the time Susan and I spent together as wasted.
When two people decide to share their lives with each other to form a loving partnership, one of the most valuable resources they have – in only a limited supply – is the time they get to be together. In looking back, I can see where I wasted some of that precious time. Along with the time are the missed opportunities those moments might have contained.
As young people start out together, they tend to view their future together as “forever” and speak of the road ahead as, “the rest of our life” – without giving real thought to just what that means. This was certainly the case for me. The road ahead was to be full of countless opportunities for hugs and kisses, long walks and activities, deep/meaningful talks and loving moments together. Even though we might have had an intellectual awareness of an eventual end, I certainly didn’t grasp the reality of that fact. It is that very end that makes the intervening time such a valuable and limited gift to be cherished and not wasted.
All couples have quarrels, arguments and disagreements; working through such times is a necessary and healthy part of building a relationship together. However, I now look at the time spent holding on to anger or resentment, as wasted. How often do we get “all bent out of shape,” over some silly little thing where it seems more important to be proven “right” instead of swallowing our pride and quickly getting our relationship back on track. Behind this dynamic is always the risky belief that there will be plenty of time later to resolve any conflict.
It was during those very times that I now wonder how many opportunities, to spend loving time together, I missed . The answer is, I simply don’t know, but I do know I can never get them back. I also know that today I would handle disagreements differently if I had the chance to do things over. What matters, what would I decide if I were offered either a hug or the chance to stand there indignantly holding on to a belief that I’m right. The opportunity for the hug is gone and whether or not I was right simply doesn’t matter.
If you knew that you only had a day, a week, a month or a year left to spend with the person you love, what would you do differently? How much of that time would you be willing to waste? How much different would your priorities be? If you knew your time was limited, what is the first thing you would do? ……. Perhaps you should consider doing just that because your time is limited – don’t waste it.
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