Among the many kinds of books, that fascinate some folks, are those classed as Memoirs or Autobiographies. Usually those books are written later in one’s life (as times and events - now passed are recalled). In reading such books, it is easy to get caught up in the thought, “I wish my life was……” as we relate to the experiences of the author. What we perhaps need reminding of is that whether or not the events of our life are put to pen and paper, nevertheless we are writing our own story daily.
Each day that we’re given, we begin a new page and each major event marks a new chapter. For some, the chapters may be lengthy but few in number while for others there will be many more chapters with fewer pages in each. Ultimately some books may end up a tragedy while others a comedy…but the bottom line is that we each get to write something in that book every day.
When there is a major life event, and before a new
chapter is begun, there may be a number of pages where very little gets
written. Those pages mark time and
represent (perhaps) a period of adjusting, grieving, thinking, wandering or maybe just sitting. Very often those
major events will be a loss of some kind, but they can also be the recognition
of some major decision or move that needs to be made – perhaps a move of some kind or a
pending career change. As we find
ourselves in those spaces of life, some time must pass…but if we remain in
those spaces for prolonged periods of time, we just might find our self stuck. The longer we are stuck, the harder it is to
move forward once more - there must be a
balance, a time when you shut the motor off gather, grieve, regroup or whatever…and
then decide.
For me a chapter just ended not long ago when my wife and partner for almost 40 years lost her battle with cancer. Because of the nature of her illness, there was some time to prepare for the end of that chapter. Despite knowing and preparing, there are still many “almost empty pages” in my book. However my book is not finished yet (and neither is Susan’s – though I believe she gets to write all her future chapters in a much nicer/better place)
Intellectually I’ve known, like most everyone else, that with the loss of a partner one must grieve and then ultimately move forward again. This lesson must also be recognized at an emotional and spiritual level as well – and sometimes each step isn’t so clean and well defined. Sometimes the grieving will continue while also moving forward. Sometimes the road will get smoother but potholes will still be encountered. This too I’m learning.
I’ve decided I want to get on with my life. I want new people in my life and a new partner to share with. I don’t want to spend any remaining time (that I might have) alone – and so I won’t. I’ll always carry my history with me and I’ll always honour the many wonderful years with Susan. She wanted me to move on and would not want to see me stuck.
Head out on the highway”
