The Golden Rule is sometimes known as the “ethic of reciprocity” and it can be found in the teachings of nearly every religion. Often regarded as possibly the most concise and general principle of ethics, it can also be seen as a motivating principle in many successful, non-religious businesses. In fact, most people can quote the “Golden Rule” - or something very close to it.
For Christians it reads, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) This rule is commonly expressed in many different instances, and by a wide variety of folks, as “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.”
OK, so what exactly does this mean; and just what am I getting at here? At first glance this whole concept, this “golden rule” seems to be pretty simple and straight forward. However, as often as I may have heard it discussed or preached about, I’ve never been completely satisfied with most of what I’ve heard. It’s not that the interpretations (I’ve heard) have been way off track; rather it is more that they’ve somehow been incomplete. I believe the Golden Rule, and the statements related to it, contain tremendous potential that is too often missed. I believe this is the case because of assumptions that are easily overlooked and/or not discussed. Please notice that ALL of these biblical statements include a reference to the self and the assumptions concern how we value and treat others vis-à-vis our own self.
There is a presumption that we (ourselves) would want to be treated in a manner that would be, good, kindly, generous, respectfully, honest etc - as a measurement for how to treat others. Life experience has taught me, however, that a good number of people do not feel worthy of this kind of treatment. Still others will decline offers of kindness or help and see it as somehow something they should be prepared to give but never receive. However, I can’t find any evidence (in my reading of the Golden Rule - or related texts) that this is how we should be relating to others.
There is a very simple math formula that says: If A=B and B=C then A=C. Sometimes I think a critical part of that formula gets overlooked. Consider that A) I am to love others as God has loved me and I am to treat them as I want to be treated. B) Others have been given the same direction as have I (as to how they are to love and treat me – their neighbour). Therefore C) would be: I am to love and treat myself in the same way as I am to treat/love others and as they are to treat/love me.
Yesterday as I was driving in the car, this question suddenly popped once again into my awareness and again I thought about it. I thought of many of the folks I’ve met who are very much into a “do for others” mindset and I thought of some of the distorted views of “service to others” I’ve come across. Clearly we are directed to do for others but I’d argue that it does not say, “to the complete denial of one’s self.” Indeed, the way we are directed to do for others is based upon our own self-worth and the love and treatment we would have for that self.
Those folks that would abide by the Golden Rule and who engage in various forms of self-flagellation (physical or mental), total self-denial or extreme self-sacrifice should not presume to do the same unto me. This does not reflect the way I would want to be treated. However, because of how I would want to be treated, I would rather demonstrate qualities like joyful generosity, encouragement, confidence & self-worth, peace, physical-comfort etc.
In conclusion, even though it’s been said before – it’s worth
repeating (and cogitating on); If one is to truly love and care for others,
they must first love and care for them-self.
