Have you ever been in the position of really looking forward to something that had been conditionally promised you? I remember times growing up when something might have been promised based upon how well I did on my school’s report card or perhaps on how well I behaved at some upcoming event. Sometimes I succeeded and received the promise/blessing and other times I failed and, therefore, did not receive. I quickly learned that once I blew it, the contract had been broken with no chance of recovery for that particular promise. Thus in order to earn the desired outcome and to avoid punishment, I had to perform without flaw in that particular instance.
In church this same principle was implied in the form of, “if you’re good, you will go to heaven but not if you’re bad.” There certainly seemed to be a consensus among adults that this was how all things worked with everything dependent on how good one behaves. In other words, rewards are performance based. For way too long, even as an adult, this view became one I applied in my spiritual life as well (though mostly unconsciously and with negative effects). More recently, I’ve come to refer to the religion I knew as a child as a “Performance based religion.” This illustration is given to show how (at least in my case) it is possible to become so performance focused that even our ability to feel accepted, approved and loved becomes based much more on what we do rather than on who we are.
This view of living had a significant impact on where I found myself shortly after making the decision to once again follow Christ. After realizing it was by making the choice to turn my life over to Him (rather than anything I could do to save or redeem myself) I all too quickly placed the focus back on my own performance...without realizing what I was doing. I believed I would receive God’s promised blessings if I followed Him and (this is the part where the trap for me lay) in that following, never fail or mess-up. The process that put me back into this particular mindset was/is a learned one – and learned so well as to have become largely automatic and unconscious. Just like when I failed as a kid, and lost that which was promised, I feared the same would happen now i.e. I fail and promised blessings get withdrawn.
Not only did I fail (we all do) but the Accuser was very quick to point out those failings and to tempt me with despair and discouragement. Thoughts like, “What’s the point in even trying?” or perhaps blaming God for placing us in too hard or difficult a situation can quickly overwhelm. In my case rather than find the promised peace in the Lord, fear of failure actually caused anxiety and it was/is an anxiety I did not have before I decided to follow Him.
Relief only started to come when I began to realize there were/are some things I needed to learn about God, His nature and His plans for us. He is not a punitive God just waiting for us to mess-up. He already knows what we are going to do and where we will fail. He wants us to commit to Him, turn our lives over to Him and allow His Spirit to dwell and work within. When we err we must acknowledge it, ask for forgiveness and persist in turning our lives over to The Holy Spirit to continue leading us forward.
Paul
actually addresses this problem in Galatians 3:1-5:
“You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified.2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? 3 Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?[a] 4 Have you experienced[b] so much in vain—if it really was in vain?” (NIV)
I especially like the way “The Message” version puts it:
“You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it’s obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.
2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God’s Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren’t smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!”
At some point in my life-journey, I realized a need to move from being a “Recovering Christian” to a “Christian in Recovery.” The fact was that the whole time I’d been away from church I had not been troubled with lengthy lists of “should and should-not’s.” However, as soon as I choose to give myself to Christ, almost as a kind of counterpoint to my decision, the “old tapes” began playing once more and I found myself becoming critical of and judging my own and other people’s words and actions...based on the old rules and laws instilled in me many years ago.
If I simply returned to all that I had walked away from I might just end up spending the remainder of my life continually becoming discouraged and forever in and out of recovery. The old tapes did not serve to draw me closer to Christ so much as discourage me...for it became quickly evident that I could no more follow the “rules” now than I could when I left (at least not on my own, I couldn’t). The purpose of discouragement, of course, is to drain one of hope and it is a tool used often by the enemy – though we do a pretty nasty job of using it on ourselves at times as well!
In part one of this article I quoted a couple passages from “Steps to Christ” and there is one further passage I’d like to quote here found on page 44:
“There are those who profess to serve God, while they rely upon their own efforts to obey His law, to form a right character, and secure salvation. Their hearts are not moved by any deep sense of the love of Christ, but they seek to perform the duties of the Christian life as that which God requires of them in order to gain heaven. Such religion is worth nothing. When Christ dwells in the heart, the soul will be so filled with His love, with the joy of communion with Him, that it will cleave to Him; and in the contemplation of Him, self will be forgotten. Love to Christ will be the spring of action. Those who feel the constraining love of God, do not ask how little may be given to meet the requirements of God; they do not ask for the lowest standard, but aim at perfect conformity to the will of their Redeemer. With earnest desire they yield all and manifest an interest proportionate to the value of the object which they seek. A profession of Christ without this deep love is mere talk, dry formality, and heavy drudgery.”
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