The Golden Rule is sometimes known as the “ethic of reciprocity” and some form of it can be found in the teachings of nearly every religion. Regarded as perhaps the most concise and general principle of ethics, it can also be seen as a motivating principle in many successful, non-religious businesses. In fact most people can quote the “Golden Rule,” or something very close to it. For Christians it reads, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12) Many people simply express this rule as, “Treat others the way you would like to be treated.”
In order to study this topic more from a Christian perspective, let us begin with looking at a number of statements attributed to Jesus. These statements should help elaborate ideas which fit within this rule. One such statement that is given as a comment is, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you,” John 15:12. Another example is the answer given by Jesus as he responded to the question, “which is the greatest commandment in the law?” His answer was, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments,” Matthew 22:37-40.
OK, so what exactly does this mean; and just what am I getting at here? At first the concept of the “golden rule” seems to be pretty simple and straight forward. However, I’ve never been completely satisfied with a lot of what I’ve heard in talks or discussions when this topic has been examined. It’s not that the interpretations I’ve heard, have been way-off track; rather it is more that they’ve somehow been incomplete. I believe there is a tremendous potential to understand each other and build better relationships contained within this simply stated rule. Too often that fact is missed, in my opinion. I think this is the case because of easily overlooked assumptions we’ve made but never discussed. It is noteworthy that the biblical statements I’ve quoted, all include references to the self vis-à-vis our relationship to others. Just how are we to value, love and treat others? There is no command to “just be nice” or “just be kind” nor does it say, “just ‘love’ everyone.”
As a prescription for how we are supposed to relate to and treat others, there is the presumption about how we (ourselves) want to be treated. As followers of Christ, we are to love each other as He has loved us. This requires we be aware of how Christ has loved us. If we are to love our neighbour as ourself, requires we have love and awareness for ourself. Life experience has taught me, however, that a good number of people do not feel worthy of this kind of treatment. Still others will decline offers of help or kindness, and somehow see it as something they should be prepared to give but never receive. However, I can’t find any evidence (in my reading of the Golden Rule - or related texts) that this is how we should be relating to others.
There is a very simple “relationship formula” which comes into play and must be considered. First, I am to love others as God has loved me and treat them as I want to be treated. Secondly, others have been given the same direction concerning how they are to love and treat me – their neighbour. Therefore, we must each be willing to accept the love and treatment directed toward us by others as we are required to show to them.
Yesterday as I was driving my car, this topic came to mind once again. I thought of the many folks I’ve met who are very much into a “do for others” mindset yet decline or wave off similar offerings of generosity and help. I thought of some of the distorted views I’ve encountered about “service to others” and what that might mean. Clearly we are directed to do for others but I’d argue that it does not say, “to deny the blessings and helpful offerings directed at one’s self.” Indeed, the way we are directed to do for others is based upon what we ourselves would want. Our own worth, love, and the treatment we would have for the self should be reflected in how we love, treat and value others. Just as our neighbour consists of all those around us, we in turn are also a neighbour of someone else. I think we sometimes allow pride to stand in the way of allowing someone else to bless us.
Those folks that would abide by the Golden Rule and yet who engage in various forms of both physical or mental self-flagellation, total lack of self-care, or extreme self-sacrifice, should not presume to do the same unto me. This does not reflect the way I would want to be treated. However, because of how I would want to be treated, I would rather demonstrate qualities like joyful generosity, encouragement, confidence, self-worth and peace.
In conclusion, even though it’s been said before – it’s worth repeating (and cogitating on); If one is to truly love and care for others, they must first love and care for them self.
